The idea of “helicopter” parenting may not have a formal definition. But we all have a pretty good sense of it when we encounter it – those parents who seem to control and hover too closely over many aspects of their children’s lives, often to the detriment (and sometimes embarrassment) of those children. In this episode of the KUT podcast “Higher Ed,” Southwestern University President Dr. Ed Burger and KUT’s Jennifer Stayton take a discussion about helicopter parenting to a live audience of – yes – parents and students at Southwestern.
First of all, Ed believes a couple of things about “helicopter” parenting: it has always been around, perhaps exacerbated in more recent times by the abundance and reach of personal technology. And, it can come from a place of wanting what is best for children. But that concept of what is best for children, and how to achieve it, can be a sticking point.
“I think the question is: ‘what’s the definition of what’s best?’,” says Ed. “And if you take away all the independence and agency, are you really helping, or in some sense are you manufacturing a problem for the future?”
So how can parents back off from such close monitoring but still help their children learn and develop skills to maneuver through life? Ed believes setting an environment of trust and open communication will go a long way.
So will helping children establish realistic expectations about life before they head out on their own.
“Life is really a roller coaster, but certainly one’s undergraduate formal career is honestly a roller coaster of that sort,” says Ed. “You get to these peaks which are really exciting and you’re really happy and you want to stay there forever…. And then all of a sudden, you go way down and something awful happens… Instead of thinking about that as a down moment, I think we need to realize that life…. is a roller coaster. So those peaks and valleys are going to happen. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when…. It’s the downturns where the real learning can happen.”
Listen to the full episode to hear more of the discussion with some college parents about easing off of helicopter parenting. And hear some answers to a provocative question for the future: what might happen when a generation of children with hovering parents become parents themselves?
No puzzler this week. It took off early for Spring Break but will be back in a few weeks!
This episode was recorded on Feb. 23, 2019.